DRESSED BY A MOTHER’S LOVE

As this Mother’s Day comes to a close, here’s my post about three dresses, two pictures, and my sweet little mother.

I will never forget the day mom came home from work with a package in hand — FOR ME! What a surprise, and for no special occasion, no reason other than walking from the court house across Main Street to Smith’s Department Store to kill some time during lunch. She spotted this baby blue dress (my signature color) and felt I should have it (see pic – second from the left). Debbies weddingShe said it was on sale, but even then I realized the extravagance of the purchase. But I didn’t let that stop me from enjoying the coolest dress ever. I was hot stuff (or so I thought) and I felt so loved every time I wore that dress. I look back now and better see what that dress represented. It was the reason mom, despite her nature to mother, worked outside the home – so that we could have the occasional extra. Over the years she has told me that was one thing she regretted, not being home with us full time.

Even when she was working, mom could always make time to sew for us kids. While this was many times accomplished at four o’clock in the morning, I loved to watch her sew when I got the chance (which was not at four o’clock in the morning). By the time I was in high school, she had taught me to hem and remove the collars from men’s shirts for that mandarin collar look. When time for senior prom rolled around, we shopped for patterns and material, and she guided me in making my own peachy (my new signature color) prom dress! prom dress

The following year I attended college in West Tennessee. One day when I was feeling especially homesick in my dorm room, I heard a knock. I opened the door, and there stood my little niece, Mandy, with that head full of blonde hair shining like the sun. No one else in sight, just Mandy. I was delighted to see her but was frozen in space, confused, not only about how she got there but by what she was wearing. She had on a multi patterned dress that was the exact replica of a dress I had left hanging in my closet at home. She had on MY DRESS (no picture available at this time)! Mom appeared at the door as I picked up Mandy and gave her a big hug. Mom explained that she had unseamed, cut down, and resewed the dress for my darling niece. I had been so homesick, and to see one of the ones I missed most in that dress, made by the one I missed most of all, my mother, was heaven.

Over the last few days as Mother’s Day approached, I’ve thought about this post and what I might write. I thought it would be perfect if I could get a picture of each dress to include in this post. So after a Mother’s Day filled family and good times, Ronnie and I drove back to mom’s and spent the evening searching through boxes of pictures. I knew I could get my hands on two of the ones I needed, but held little hope of finding an image of my niece in MY DRESS. Mom so enjoyed picking up various pictures and commenting on them or asking me who was who. First I came across my peachy senior prom picture and placed it on the floor at my feet. Then beyond all hope, there was tiny precious Mandy in my dress mom had cut down for her. I added it to my stack on the floor. All I needed now was my sister’s wedding picture with me in that baby blue dress. Jackpot! A framed picture of my sister’s wedding. We had found all I needed. I bent down to add the last picture to the pile and noticed a picture missing. Mom had already started cleaning up, and the picture of Mandy was gone. I handed Ronnie the other two pictures thinking they would be safe from mom’s busy hands. After searching a box by my side with no luck, I walked over to Ronnie to get the two pictures left. But mom had taken the framed wedding picture from Ronnie and stowed it away – SOMEWHERE! Beyond frustrated, I took the one picture spared, walk outside and put it in our car. I dug through drawers in the spare bedroom and finally found the wedding picture. But the one picture I doubted even existed, was nonexistent. Gone in a snap, like a thought or a memory. After a lifetime of picking up after us five kids and my dad, what else can be expected? To tell mom to not clean up after someone is like telling an accountant not to count, a teacher not to teach, a writer not to write, a human not to breathe. It’s in her DNA. It’s a task that keeps her moving, keeps her going. A task once about keeping the house in order but is now about DOING before the memory TO DO is forgotten.

Thanks to dementia and poor eyesight, those busy hands no longer sew, and her confidence in buying something personal for me faded long ago. But she eagerly awaits the opportunity to clean up anything I dare put to the side.

God love her! I love her, too!

Thank you, Lord, for a Mother’s Day I hope I never forget.


TURNING POINTS ALONG THE WAY

Moments of deep despair and desperation can be turning points in our lives.

I was reminded of this recently while talking with a dear friend. As the one year anniversary of her husband’s stroke neared, she pulled out the journal she’d kept during the weeks of her husband’s hospitalization. She found herself reflecting on all the good that had come from that horrible experience; the relationships she formed with some of the medical staff who served as a support to her as they nursed her husband back to health, the cards and visits from friends and the unexpected cards from people she barely knew, her church family who saw to it that folks across the country added her family to their prayer list, the meals provided after they returned home from the hospital. This stroke anniversary was also a reminder that a full year had passed without her realizing it, with all the running here and there to teaching engagements and doctor’s appointments while keeping the dogs fed and the house in one piece along with the multitude of other duties caregivers take on. In many ways it had been a lonely year of loss and despair. However, upon reflection, she realized all the good that had come from that terrible time.

As I reflect on the year that has passed since her husband’s stroke, I find that she is dearer to me than ever. We were very close before his stroke. Were even known to double date now and then, which is huge, for Ronnie and I have been somewhat socially isolated since his stroke. Now, my friend and I are both married to stroke survivors. Mutual admiration and understanding encircle us, bonding us in a way perhaps otherwise impossible without stroke touching both our lives. When we find ourselves in territories of loneliness, time together is good medicine. She reminds me I am loved and cared for by many. I hope I do the same for her.

IMG_0375

So the next time you face desperation and despair, remember; a turning point may be headed your way that reminds you who and what you treasure most.

IMG_0376

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 


MISUNDERSTANDINGS AND BLUEBERRIES

blueberries

Have you ever been misunderstood? I’m not talking about a quarrel here, or a misunderstanding due to tone of voice, body language, or bad timing. I’m referring to a thought spoken aloud that is simply misinterpreted.

This recently happened to me when, in the moment, I didn’t have time to complete my thought. Therefore, I’ve decided to finish what I started by way of this blog.

I was speaking with a group about health, and the conversation shifted to government interference with our daily lives. In an effort to rudder the conversation back on topic, I agreed that sometimes government interference could sometimes lead to a negative outcome, such as when the government started subsidizing farming which led to the onset of processed foods.  Some mistakenly came away thinking I was totally against farm subsidies. Nothing is further from the truth. But unless my listeners, in that moment, were somehow blessed with the miracle of mind reading, their misunderstanding should come as no surprise.

Here’s the full thought that was on my heart and mind that day:

Farm subsidies have aided low-income farmers and rural development, have helped ensure America’s food security, have helped put ethanol in most every gas tank in America, etc…

With that said, I have some major concerns about farm subsidies:

  • These subsidies usually favor grains, sugar, and dairy products. Grains and sugars feed our obesity epidemic and most everybody and their brother seem to be sensitive to milk these days.
  • While monocropping (growing a single crop year after year on the same land) helps feed the world, it is hard on our soil and promotes pest invasions, which increases the need for dangerous pesticides and fertilizer use.

So, now you know my worries. And there’s something else you should know. While in my younger days I milked my share of cows, was flogged multiple times by a demented chicken, had the baby calf I bottle fed every day (whose name was Mackie Moe) served up on the dinner table, and once rolled into a pile of cow manure while helping pull a calf out of its mommies tummy, I by no means claim to be an agricultural scholar. I don’t even claim to be agriculturally knowledgeable. BUT, here’s what I want and why. I want our government to better subsidize the production of healthy foods. I’m not talking a box of heavily processed cereal here. I’m talking super foods like organic blueberries and other fruits, nuts, and vegetables. And here’s why. Kids attending elementary school right now are the first generation projected to NOT live as long as their parents. This is UNACCEPTABLE!!! I firmly believe we can help protect the longevity of our children and grandchildren by making fruits, nuts, and veggies the most affordable and most abundant foods in our grocery stores. How can we do that? Subsidize their production.

So before you head out the door into the sometimes harsh but always beautiful world in which we live, grab a handful of blueberries and enjoy. May you and yours live long and prosper.

Have you ever been in a crowd and said something that was misunderstood? Tell us about it.


SPORTSMANSHIP

March Madness is in full swing at our house. Ronnie Foster is watching UCONN versus NOTRE DAME girls as I type this post. Around here, March is filled with sleepless nights spent in the recliner watching or re-watching men’s, girls’ or any kind of basketball a man can find on satellite TV.

Ronnie doesn’t watch Duck Dynasty, but if they would just pick up a basketball every now and then, he’d be their biggest fan.

If you regularly read this post, you know that while Ronnie is watching basketball, I’m watching the Sunday Morning Show on NBC. This past Sunday had a short segment I must share, for it not only honors this holy month of March Madness, it also reminds every child, parent, and spectator of the true meaning of sportsmanship.

Enjoy!


NORMAL DEFINED

If you are reading this and you are a caregiver, I think my definition of normal might speak to you.

Normal is care-giving days filled with joy and fulfillment as I:

  • think about how much the people I care for mean to me
  • marvel at their accomplishments despite the bodily deterioration that comes with age and disability
  • take on every care-giving task with passion and zeal.

Equally normal are those days when:

  • it feels my life is on hold while I see to the needs of those around me
  • my energy is zapped along with my hopes, dreams, and goals
  • I feel guilty for taking a day for myself when my people have far too much time by themselves as it is.

This is my normal. Sometimes it’s pretty — sometimes not so much. To deny the “not so much” and declare only the “pretty” would be a lie.

But let’s make one thing perfectly clear: having these people in my life to care-give for is always a blessing.

Good days and bad, a plethora of emotions and feelings: that’s my normal. That’s my truth.


HARD TIMES CAN MAKE US BETTER

Have you ever heard of someone winning the lottery and becoming an instant millionaire only to be flat broke a year later.  Easy come easy go as they say. But what if a millionaire had worked hard, earned every penny the hard way, then experienced a devastating road block along the way like a major health crisis. Do you think the millionaire in scenario two might be a wiser consumer of her hard earned millions? I would assume so. When I become a millionaire, I’ll let you know for sure:-)

When life comes too easy (when we don’t have to work for it,) we sometimes lack the wisdom to make wise choices.

I will never forget the woman I meet in Jan. of 1998. Her husband was recovering from a stroke in the same facility as my husband. See my blog post THE GOOD THAT COMES WITH LIFE’S ROUGH PATCHES for more about her story. In short, it took a major roadblock to turn her husband around, to make him the loving partner he should have been all along. She told me his stroke was the best thing that had ever happened to their relationship. The stroke had made him a better person. How sad is that?

Has my husband’s stroke made me a better person? It has made me stronger, that’s for dang sure. I was a brand new teacher when Ronnie had his stroke. Had taught for four short months and was having a very rough start to my teaching career. Would I still be in education if not for Ronnie’s stroke? Without Ronnie’s income, there was no other choice–I had to teach. Not only that, I had a son to raise, a husband who needed me to continue the speech, occupational and physical therapy that was no longer covered by our insurance. Man, was I ever torn, dedicating so much time to my job when my life’s most important roles were based at home.

This care-giving journey has also made me a better listener, for I know that kick in the gut feeling from being asked, “How’s Ronnie doing?” only to have that person’s eyes wander when I give too much information. I think what they really want to hear is that Ronnie’s doing fine, but sometimes I have more on my heart to tell. This experience has taught me that if I take the time to ask, I MUST take the time to listen, to maintain eye contact, to hear and respond to whatever is pouring from someone’s heart.

How have hard times made you a wiser and better person?


A DAY OF DEDICATION

How do you get Ronnie Foster to get his fanny to church? Invite him to his grandbaby’s dedication.

I was raised Church of Christ so this baby dedication stuff is new to me. But wow, what a precious experience.

The four babies to be dedicated and their parents were called to the front of the congregation. Each baby and their parents were introduced. The babies were presented with tiny Bibles with their name inscribed on the cover. Then, in line behind the Reverend, the families wound their way up and down the aisles of the sanctuary as the Reverend charged the congregation to encourage these children along their spiritual path and to model how to live a faithful Christian life.

Soon after they returned to their seats, Emily placed Madden in her daddy’s arm. With me being unsure of the unwritten and written rules related to picture taking in the Baptist Church, I quickly slipped my camera out of my purse and discretely shot the picture below.

Of course, after I take this shot, Madden grins from ear to ear. He just lies there for the longest, gazing into Ronnie’s eyes, smiling. I thought about trying to slip in another picture but then decided there was no need. There’s no forgetting. Does Emily have any idea of what her gesture meant to her dad? Absolutely. Does Madden have any idea of how his smiles touched his P. Pa’s heart? He has no idea – or does he?

That round, kissable face, whether smiling or not, holds great power — the power to bring great joy into the lives around him.


LASTING WORK

At the time of Ronnie’s stoke, he operated his own fencing business. Last Saturday as we rode along highway 96, Ronnie pointed out several PVC fences that Foster Fence Company had installed back in the day. Ronnie loves seeing how his prior work continues to service former customers 15 to 20 years post instillation. And I must say, while some could stand a little pressure washing, those PVC fences still look great.

We stopped to take a picture of one then rode down the road a bit further. Ronnie pointed out another fence his company had installed. It was a rusty, mangled chain link fence that looked like someone had beat it with a sledge hammer. I said, “Don’t think I would claim that one, honey.” We both laughed and continued our ride. Ronnie pointed out more of his fences; lasting, meaning work that he still takes great pride in today.

What work are you engaging in that will that stand the test of time?


ANNIVERSARY MONTH

December is Ronnie’s stroke anniversary month. This may seem an odd anniversary to acknowledge, but it holds much to celebrate. Like Ronnie’s health, which the doctor told us today is “looking good” (Ronnie never tires of hearing he’s “looking good”). Like our new grand-baby who has peed on Ronnie enough to guide us to Ronnie’s true grandfather name – P. Pa (Ronnie never tires of being peed on by Baby Madden or being called P. Pa).

 

Like my son and daughter-in-law’s new puppy who loves to kiss Ronnie on the mouth (of which Ronnie DOES tire but tolerates because Puppy Sawyer is adorable and expects to get his way).

 

 

Like our three beautiful children and their significant others (whom we love and adore).