WRITING: GOOD THERAPY FOR THIS CAREGIVER


Posted by Connie Foster

Processing my caregiving journey through this blog has served as a reflective and curative process. But this blog is not my only source of therapeutic writing. I’ve written short stories, poetry, an entire novel, and children’s picture books. However, most of these works remain undocumented. That’s about to change.

Check out my Indiegogo project for my soon to be published children’s picture book, The Readyville Mill. Indiegogo is a crowd funding site where artist can create and post projects in hopes that family, friends and followers will help fund their work.

I’ve tinkered with The Readyville Mill off and on for a few years now, with much help from writing friends along the way. As I reflect on those precious times, those sessions around the table critiquing each other’s work, I wonder if they realize how our time together not only supported me as a writer but sent me home to Ronnie refreshed and recharged. That’s what good friends and good hobbies do.

Who do you spend time with or what do you do to refresh and recharge?


Veterans Day


Posted by Connie Foster

Where the love of music and the love of country converge to stir a neighborhood from its morning slumber.

A clip from the this morning’s Sunday Morning Show to remind us of those who have served, those currently serving, and those who missed their chance to serve for our freedom.

 


Grandfather


Posted by Connie Foster

Bill Clinton was on The Sunday Morning Show this past Sunday (a show that is notorious for making me late for church). When questioned about his mortality, Mr. Clinton stated that he was determined to live to be a grandfather.

Despite a major stroke nearly 15 years ago that left doctors with little expectation of Ronnie living through the night, Ronnie, too, was determined to live to be a grandfather.

And today he made it!

 

It’s been a glorious day.


THE ROAD LESS TRAVELED


Posted by Connie Foster

Pictured is the current state of Billy West Road near my parents’ home. TDOT has taken a huge chunk out of this road to make way for the new four lane highway.

I wish I could remember the last time I walked the full half mile stretch of Billy West Road. It was just the week before last, but I can’t remember if I was walking with my great niece or nephew or my mom.

I have such fond memories of the decades of joy this road has brought to my life. Jogging alone or walking with a family member, usually Mom. Over the years Mom and I have shared this road for more miles than we can count. Miles and miles of fretting, celebrating, troubleshooting, reconnecting, and bonding.

As bad as it hurts to see Billy West Road plowed under, maybe the timing is right. Mom can no longer make the full round trip mile. And I’m not so sure I want to walk it any more without her.

The short stretch to where construction begins will have to do for now. There and back is about as far as Mom can make it without getting wobbly and rubber legged. That’s still far enough to fret, celebrate, troubleshoot, reconnect, and bond. And these days we walk hand in hand across the rough parts to keep each other steady.


A ROLE-MODEL FOR THOSE WITHIN OUR CIRCLE


Posted by Connie Foster

John C. Maxwell has released a new book, The 15 Invaluable Laws of Growth: Live Them and Reach Your Potential. His 8th law is titled: The Law of Pain: Good Management of Bad Experiences Leads to Great Growth.

If you are a caregiver, something bad has happen to someone close to you. How you manage the struggles of day to day caregiving can lead to great growth for yourself and those looking to you as a role-model. And we truly are role-models, for most all who know us will be caregivers at some point in their lives.

While I try to be a good role-model, I don’t give enough thought to this role. And I’ve made plenty of mistakes to learn from along the way. But I am thankful for the caregiver role-models in my life, and all I have learned from their example.

How do you manage the difficult times? Have you experienced personal growth as a result? Are you a positive role model for the future caregivers within your circle?


FREEDOM OF SPEECH


Posted by Connie Foster

There’s been much talk of the freedom of speech in the news lately, a freedom that is easily taken for granted. My husband may live in a free country, but in 1997 he lost his freedom of speech, a freedom we both took for granted. He has expressive aphasia, a condition cause by his stroke and the resulting injury to the language center of his brain. Ronnie knows what he wants to say but has difficulty communicating it to others. He has some good spontaneous speech, like hi, bye, yes, no, love you, etc… Sadly, my name was not included on his post stroke vocabulary list. “Hey” is as close as it gets.

My Ronnie

I had one of those sleepless nights recently. You know the kind – you wake at 1:30 and wrestle the bed for hours, only to fall asleep 30 minutes before your alarm is scheduled to blare. That’s prime time for me to have a wonky dream – and I did. In this dream, Ronnie and I were sitting at the table talking, just like old times. I can’t remember what we were talking about. I only remember that when it came to the point in the conversation where he should have said my name, he called me “Hey.” And in my dream, every time he called me “Hey” I said, “Say my name.”

I woke to a sad, sick longing to hear my name voiced by the man snoring beside me.

As I lay there feeling sorry for myself, the phrase “say my name” repeated in my head. “Say my name!” Say my name!!!” Why was that phrase so familiar? I turned on my side and smiled into the pillow, recalling that same line from the hilarious (albeit crude) movie, “American Pie.” This isn’t the first time a funny line from a movie has saved me from self-pity. It’s like a handy, yet unconscious, self-protection strategy that my warped psyche engages when I get too whiny.  I hope I never lose it. And I should stop taking it for granted.

 

Is there something in your life that you once took for granted for which you now ache? Has the healing power of humor ever come to you at just the right moment?

 


TAKING SHELTER FROM THE STORM


Posted by Connie Foster

Photo Courtesy of Stock.xchng

Despite Ronnie’s right side hemiplegia, he is able to mow the yard using our riding mower. My regular readers know that Ronnie experienced some medical issues this summer with a couple of surgeries and infections. These medical problems curtailed Ronnie’s mowing for several weeks. I was surprised when he didn’t put up a fuss that first time I mowed in his place. He knew his body needed the rest.

Thankfully, Ronnie is well enough now to mow again. One day last week after work, I got Ronnie on the mower then went inside to finish painting our bathroom. I’m painting away, listening for the mower, and peeking out the window every 20 minutes or so to make sure he’s ok.

As the evening wore on, I got so involved in the painting I lost track of time, until thunder rattled the windows.  I looked out and at first thought I’d painted into the night. When I got outside I realized a horrible thunder storm was overhead. Lightening all around. Swirling black, angry clouds that looked ready to dump a hail storm at any second. And what was Ronnie Foster doing? Finishing the yard, no matter what. I rushed toward him. When he saw me coming and pointing toward the house, he kept on mowing. I had to run up to the mower and shout, “Get home,” like I was reprimanding a naughty puppy.

What was he thinking? He could’ve been struck by lightning, pounded by a hail storm, sucked into the vortex of those twisting and twirling clouds.

After he was inside and safe and after I had calmed down a bit, I reminded myself that mowing is a post-stroke passion for Ronnie. It gets him outside, allows him to operate a piece of machinery, provides the opportunity for productive work. Some think I shouldn’t let Ronnie mow, that it’s too dangerous. But this work must be preserved for as long as Ronnie is able, for it provides much purpose and satisfaction. Ronnie may not know when to come out of the storm, but he does know when his body can’t withstand the job.

We must walk a fine line in our role as caregivers as we attempt to balance safety with living life to the fullest extent possible. I believe it’s vital to support Ronnie in his desire for productive work, but sometimes I need to remind myself that Ronnie may not worry with the storm brewing overhead — That’s my job.


WHY I’VE BEEN OFF LINE


Posted by Connie Foster

While attempting to address the mountain of emails in my inbox, I found a message from a friend. She stated that she’d noticed I hadn’t blogged since August 8th, and she feared something was wrong.

Never fear. All is well. It’s just we’ve had a few exciting things happening around here.

First of all we’ve had a wedding in the family. This picture of my son and his beautiful bride doesn’t do the couple, the evening, or the venue justice. It was a beauty! But Lord, I learned that weddings are hard work. And cooking for 150 people is hard work (but loads of fun when your bestie is cooking with you by your side – thanks Julia – love you forever!!! And thanks to Debbie, Carly, Jesse, Sandy, Jane and EVERYONE who helped!!!).

I must admit, marrying off the person you birthed and lived with for 28 years is a bittersweet journey. There’s not a person on earth I’ve lived with longer than my son, and letting go is a challenge. But thanks to the magic of bio-identical hormones, I’m transitioning just fine.

But the excitement doesn’t end there. I’m almost ready to send off my first children’s picture book for publication.

I’ve provided a sample illustration, which is page 14 & 15 of The Readyville Mill. My awesome illustrator is Carl Carbonell, and I’m in love with his work!

So there you have it. Ronnie and I haven’t dropped off the face of the earth. We’re still here, and I’m ready to get back to my blogging routine.

Look for a new post next week!


RONNIE AND I


Posted by Connie Foster

Ronnie and I:

The view from our cabin at Fall Creek Falls

  • Are lucky to have one another
  • Are sometimes overwhelmed
  • Are blessed with beautiful, smart, caring children
  • Are still adjusting to our post-stroke world (after 15.5 years)
  • Live for each new day
  • Are looking forward to our annual trip to Fall Creek Falls State Park
  • Love each other
  • Will soon be empty nesters (when my son gets married in a few short days)
  • Still make each other laugh
  • Sometimes argue (over the remote during Olympics season)
  • Want to visit:
    • The Grand Canyon
    • Niagara falls
    • The New England states
  • Can’t wait to hold our grand-baby for the first time (November can’t get here soon enough!)
  • Are truly blessed!

WE MADE IT THROUGH THE RAIN


Posted by Connie Foster

I attended the Barry Manilow concert in Nashville last Saturday night. He sang a once favorite from my teenage years that I had totally forgotten. The song was I Made it Through the Rain. While we all get rained on from time to time, the lyrics especially reminded me of all my caregiver friends out there. Here’s the chorus:

I made it through the rain
I kept my world protected
I made it through the rain
I kept my point of view
I made it through the rain
And found myself respected
By the others who
Got rained on too
And made it through

For your listening pleasure, here’s the one and only Barry Manilow.

I could list so many precious people who have experienced struggles in their life and persevered with grace and dignity. Christopher Reeve and his dear wife Dana come to mind. Click here to read my February 20, 2012 post about The Reeves. Chris is an awesome example of the possibilities and the accomplishments that can be achieved after a traumatic injury. And he did it all with grace and dignity.

Have you found yourself respecting someone who got rained on too and made it through?